The Anti-Parent

It is well known in our household that my husband is the teaser. For example, this very minute as I am posting this I can hear him upstairs convincing my four year old that I am not upstairs because I decided to move back to Utah and so I am gone. Of course, my girls have learned to play along, and not take him seriously. . .most of the time. The rest of the time? Well, let me just explain what happens by giving a run down of the result of said teasing. . .

My girls will not let the tub be drained until every last thing is moved to safety outside the tub, so they will not go down the drain to be eaten by the alligator that lives in the sewer.

My girls are paranoid about putting polly pockets in their mouth for fear of dying of lead poisoning (not such a bad fear, really--unless you know how it started. . .Rob chewing on Polly dresses, pretending to swallow them, and then falling on the ground and playing dead). Our dog Charly ate a polly crown once and the girls keep him in their eyesight for three days just to be sure he wasn't going to kill over.

My four year old refuses to flush the toilet for fear it will flood. This is big for the very hygienic child that before had strict potty habits that definitely involved flushing.

Said four year old is also terrified of drive through car washes because Rob has her convinced it is a large monster that eats you and that you are actually inside it's belly. Today, Rob noted that the car was dirty and she took me aside and asked for the car washing stuff so she could wash it herself, right now, so "daddy won't take us through the car wash monster."

My eight year old must close her windows and her blinds before bed because she is convinced aliens might climb through her window while she sleeps. One comment made in jest and no amount of reassurance will undo what's been done.

This is the same eight year old that will not take Charly out to potty after dark because the cougar or the coyote from the forest will eat him--actually not an entirely empty fear.

He really is a great father who loves his girls. He loves them so much he occasionally acts spontaneously. I am all for spontaneity, but not so much when it messes with either bedtime, or the point system we have going.

For example, the night he decided we should get the girls out of bed at nine o'clock, shortly after getting them there, and run to Fred Meyer to buy a new Mario DS game. I managed to talk him out of that one. Or the time he showed up after work with a new Wii for no reason other than it sounded fun and he couldn't resist.

I could also list a hundred really great parenting moments, but that would not serve my purpose today. Why point out all my husbands stellar anti-parent moments?

Because it makes me feel a little better about things like this. . .

That would be my four year old, very nearly five year old, clinging to her biggest addiction--THE SIPPY CUP. It's the first thing she asks for each day. Her sister said good bye to the sippy at age two. It's funny how you get a little more lenient after the first. Call it lenient, call it bad parenting, call it what you want. I call it clean carpets. . .and a happy four year old.