So, when I had kids I developed a tendency to get things for my kids that I always wanted as a young girl. It started when my oldest was young, and we built her this:
(After six years it has seen better days. It used to have windows, and porch rails, and. . .but I digress.)
And the same year (She was two, keep in mind) we also got her her own computer. And I continued to provide things like massive trunks of dressups, and cute little furniture to put in their barbie house, and the pottery barn kids kitchen, and a miniature table and chairs to go with it, and matching decorated rooms and fashionable clothing, and . . . AND it didn't stop at fun things.
We signed our girls up for soccer, dance, gymnastics, ballet, theater, piano, tennis, golf, kindermusik, preschool, swimming (Oh, I DID have swim lessons growing up) . . .I may have missed some--like Cherry Hill passes (a water park) and Lagoon passes (Amusement Park) and Zoo passes. And we took our kids to Disneyland. But you get the point. Plus, I take thousands of pictures of my kids because I have like five pictures of me growing up.
Do my kids want all these things? Sure. Do they appreciate these things? Maybe. Do they NEED all these things? Probably not.
And now that my kids have no idea what it means to really do without, and I have been living hours and hours from my family for eleven years (because I was determined to get out there and do something, be someone--but that's another story), do you know what I remember about growing up? Working together on the farm and playing baseball in the back yard and exploring outside--going out in the morning, playing all day, and returning when it gets dark (Or my mom yells that dinner is ready.) Coming in and eating around the table, all ten of us, a dinner my mom made from scratch, a large portion of which she grew in her garden.
Do I remember my toys? Maybe one or two. Now do you know what I want for my kids? space and time to be a kid and use their imagination, time to play with each other and their cousins and their grandparents. And sure, I'd like them to know the satisfaction of working hard and accomplishing something. What it comes down to, I have realized, is it's not the things that make a happy childhood, its the memories you make with your children and the things you teach them. And it's FAMILY. I miss my family.
So will I continue to buy things for my kids? Probably, it's a disease (and just to prove it, you can go here to check out the progress on the treehouse we are building for them!). But I think I will try harder to spend time with these little people I am responsible for guiding and loving. And give them the kinds of things that will help them become happier people tomorrow, not just right now. Because no matter what you give them they will grow up and wish they had had something you didn't give them. I think I would rather that something be as benign as a toy and not as vital as family unity or a healthy work ethic. Who knows if I will be successful, these kids didn't come with an owner's manual. And it probably says something about me that it has taken me eight years to realize all this fully. But at least they know I love them. Now I think I will go make sugar cookies with my girls.
What did you give your children that you never got growing up?
3 comments:
My mom was a buyer. We weren't rich by any means--but I still got just about everything I wanted--new clothes, new car, trips to Europe, music lessons, dance lessons, etc.. She did that for me because, as a widow, she had to work ALL the time--and there just wasn't much of her to go around. So, I always wanted her time---and that's what I've given my kids. And of course they complain that they don't have a lot of the stuff that their friends do (since when do all 10 and 8 year olds have cell phones?!)-- but hopefully they'll grow up with memories of work and time and games and one another the way you have. And, honestly, I think as long as we're trying our best to be good moms every day--no matter if we're a little "extravagant" on the buying end or not--we can't go wrong. Love's an amazing thing that way.
Great post!
Everything...now I really regret it. I think there's something character building about being poor and NOT having things. I wish I could go back and restrain the need to have so much, cause it's a split second before you realize that your kids have become greedy and selfish and all the money you spent on all the stuff was wasted...Time together "doing" things instead of "having" things is sooo much better...
We have 4 - the first two got everything and everywhere - the birthday parties, the lessons, the toys, the cool whatever - and they still want it and expect us to provide it. In the midst of that I stopped and regrouped...and a tree killed the house, so our finances changed - the two younger - without so much baggage to drag around, are much more resilient, harder workers, and more resourceful. THe bigs are learning, but it is one painful lesson after another.
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