Fear of Boredom

I have often said that I have a fear of boredom. It is my explanation for why I am always going so many different directions at once. It might actually be more accurate to say I fear non productivity. I need to have something to show for myself and my time--validation of some sort. But whatever the reason, the result is a full schedule and occasional craziness. My main problem, I fear, is that I like doing too many things.

In high school when we took those personality tests to see which career choice would be best suited to us I ended up with a list of jobs the spanned the spectrum--quite unhelpful. When I took the right brain vs. left brain test, I landed in the middle. My senior year of high school I took both Advanced Biology and Honors English. When I started college I was a business major, I then changed to computer science (which I learned was one thing I did NOT want to do) and finally ended up as an English major/history minor (Reading and writing are the two things that have remained constant). But still to this day I must do a little of everything. I call them my rotating obsessions. When Rob said I could spend part of our tax return on anything I wanted I was torn between buying a new camera lens, putting it into my landscaping, decorating a room with it, or heading straight to Banana Republic.

Despite all that randomness, I have never questioned it too deeply because I am truly happier when I am busy (and really, which one would I cut out?!). And it is a darn good thing because since moving here life has not slowed down or found the semi-rut my mother claims holds such comfort (and which I think I would love to experience). Not only did we move to a new state and endure all the changes inherent therein, what with a new job, new school, new friends, new environment etc, we have become more busy than ever.

We are currently racing through our checklist of projects on the house remodel list, the jungle I call a yard is taking shape, my third novel is slowly plotting along, my blogging is clearly filling a good portion of my time, my adeptness as a part time single parent and independent woman, due to Rob's excessive travel, are improving (I have yet to fill my car with gas, but I shop much more on my own and have taken over many "Rob" duties, such as taking out the trash, de-slugging the yard and fertilizing, not to mention all the school activities I have attended solo), I have a whole passel of new friends, and on top of all of that. . . .our church callings are keeping us both hopping.

Rob was called as the Executive Secretary to the Bishop, and I was called to teach Relief Society, to act as the Young Women's Personal Progress Leader, and for the past two months Rob and I have team taught Hannah's primary class (They just called a new teacher last week! Whew!) But my third calling was replaced with another -- Ward Activities Committee. Teaching Relief Society is getting easier, Personal Progress is getting more organized, but Activities Committee?. . .it's party planning, right? How can that be bad? I believe my first question was "What is my budget?" Our ward does a party every month, but I am assured the budget is good. . .we shall see. So you can see narrowing the scope is not something I do well. In fact, I have a couple other random projects in the works that I will post if ever I work it all out.

So even though I sometimes long for predictable routine and I think I might enjoy a little peace and quiet, who am I really kidding? I believe I am, in large part, where I am today because I had reached a state shockingly close to that description last year. And what did I do? I declared myself bored and took action that led to my present situation. So either I need therapy, or I should just smile and enjoy the chaos for tomorrow it might end!