Rules of Friendship . . .

. . .when you are five. . . and Signe.

As a parent you can't help but dread the moment when your child gets rejected by another child.  When someone else's kid decides your child is not good enough to be their friend--like they are somehow superior to your child. . . and that is inconceivable.  

I remember when it happened with Hannah.  Hannah collected friends everywhere. . . at Burger King (Exchanging phones number with a girl whose name she forgot to ask) and the Home Depot (while both girls' parents took too long picking out crown molding) and while visiting grandma's pool (because really, they had cool water toys).  But one day while at Arctic Circle, when she was perhaps five years old, she was playing along side a boy a year or two older.  I say alongside, because though she missed the finer points of the interaction, said boy was NOT playing with her.  

When I told her it was time to go she stated, "I'm not ready.  I am playing with my new friend."

To which the "new friend" turned and gave her a look of annoyance and stated quite matter of factly, "I am NOT you friend."  

I thought she was going to crumple right on the spot.  The look of sheer shock on her face that someone would NOT want to be her friend was beyond her comprehension.  

As the parent, I of course wanted to say, "Your loss buck-o!"  But I just hurried her out and we were on our way. Of course, part of me wanted to laugh too.  But I hated that some random boy at Arctic Circle taught her about selective friendship.  Luckily, at age nine, she is still pretty inclusive and generally gets along with anyone and everyone.  

Signe, on the other hand, likes to really get to know people and weigh their interests before deciding if they will make compatible friends.  But once you are in, she is very loyal and takes great interest in your likes and dislikes.  This of course puts her in high demand.

For instance,  she knows that her friend Tanner is very smart about animals.  She likes to play farm with him and covets a pink lasso at the farm store, because she knows that Tanner would be so impressed if she got one.  She has a stash of bunny stuffed animals and bunny littlest pet shop toys set aside for when Jacob comes over because she knows he loves bunnies.  She is sure to wear her white sandals as often as possible because then Grace will be happy that they are foot twins (although her and Grace are two peas in a pod so little forethought is required).  When she visits her friend Avery she is sure to bring along her bug catcher because she knows there WILL be bug hunting.  

And the other day she came home with this wise advice:

Sig: I know what you have to do to be a good friend.

Me: What?

Sig: When they do something you tell them "Good Job" even if they didn't do it very well. 

I couldn't help but laugh, but really, that about sums it up, right?

So Sig hasn't been rejected YET, but she has been fought over, just a little.  Case in point: Her preschool class took a field trip to the fire station recently and we had a minor issue because she had three friends that wanted to stand by her and only two sides. 

 

But the problem with popularity is it is often accompanied by jealousy.  One day when one friend wanted Sig's attention she proclaimed that she was starting a club and Sig was invited. . .but Grace was not.

This was a very bad move.  And Sig's loyalty never faltered. She linked her arm through Grace's and said: "If my friend Grace isn't in the club, I am not in the club." After which she walked away.  

Later, Grace's mom related the story, because Grace had been so pleased that Signe has stuck up for her she had raced home and told her mom.  

It was a proud moment. 

 

I hope it sticks. . .heck, I hope I am such a loyal friend.  I know I certainly have many such loyal friends.  So apparently you can take advice from a five year old--mine at least!